Funny Police Stories

[Softball]

Found these stories on a Police Scanner Site, funny stuff.

Say What?
Sac City Fire Dispatch: "Engine XX, you sound scratchy".
Engine XX: "Ya, I know. I've been itching since I got up this morning".

Plenty of Fish in the Sea
My friend Whit was driving a rig in a long line of tractor-trailers when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. Astounded that he alone was caught, he asked, "Out of all these trucks that were going just as fast as I was, why did you pull me over?" "Have you ever gone fishing?" the officer asked. "Yes," Walt replied. "Well, have you ever caught all the fish in the pond?"

Other people's children
A local PD unit was responding to a loud party.

Responding Unit "There are kids running around everywhere."
Dispatch: "Do you want us to dispatch the paddy wagon?"
Backup Unit: "How about Animal Control"

To Peep and Serve
I heard a call one time about a complaint from a lady about her neighbor (a young lady) sunbathing in the nude. The police car responded - and five more cars responded as "backup".

Crook needs a Career change
A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]


and my FAVORITE one:

The Dyslexic Bank Robber
A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FU*K UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a fu*k-up!"