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A woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandpa and
his poorly behaving 3 year-old grandson at every turn.

It's obvious gramps has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy
aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda.

Meanwhile gramps is working his way around saying in a controlled
voice, 'easy Albert, we won't be long, easy boy'.

Another outburst and she hears gramps calmly say, 'it's OK Albert,

Just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here, hang in there.'

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items from
the cart and gramps again in a controlled voice is saying,
'Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset -- we'll be home in five
minutes; stay cool, Albert'.

Very impressed the woman goes up to gramps as he's loading
the kid and the groceries into the car and says,

'You know sir, it's none Of my business, but you were amazing in there.

I don't know how you did it.

The whole time you kept your composure and no matter how loud and
disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK.

Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa'.

'Thanks, lady,' said gramps, 'but I'm Albert -- the little bastard's name is
Johnny'

This guy is working at the grocery store, stocking shelves, when he sees a woman in the dairy aisle throwing margarine and yogurt and cottage cheese all over the floor. He runs over and says, "Can I help you, ma'am?"

She says, "I'm looking for the butter."

"Sorry, ma'am," he says. "We don't have any butter."

She says, "All right."

Five minutes later, he sees the woman in the bread aisle, throwing bread and muffins and buns all over the floor. He runs over and says, "Can I help you, ma'am?"

She says, "I'm looking for the butter."

"Sorry, ma'am," he says. "We don't have any butter."

She says, "All right."

Five minutes later, he sees the woman in the snack aisle, throwing chips and dips and pork rinds all over the floor. He runs over and says, "Can I help you, ma'am?"

She says, "I'm looking for the butter."

He says, "Ma'am, may I ask you a couple of questions?"

She says, "All right."

He says, "Ma'am, can you spell 'Rat', as in Ratification?"

She says, "Why, yes, R-A-T."

He says, "Can you spell 'Cat', as in Catastrophe?"

She says, "Why, yes, C-A-T."

He says, "Can you spell <BLEEP> as in Butter?"

She says, "Why, there is no <BLEEP> in butter."

He says, "Lady, that's what I been tryin' to tell you!"