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Pilot Gripe Sheet
I don't know if the attached list of pilot's "gripes"
is real, but they are cute. ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comoffice" />

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a
gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems
encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on
the lower half of the form what remedial action was
taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
the next flight. Never let it be said that ground
crews and engineers lack
of sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by
Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.

=========================================
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
=========================================

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Qantas airlines are to be congratulated on their exemplary record of flight safety. Their attention to detail in every aspect of such activities as fault reporting and maintenance are exactly what got them to that point in the first place.
On the point of fault reporting and subsequent fault diagnosis and repair, I can truely appreciate the angle of the engineer, and of course the responses given in that fault reporting sheet. We experience many "user error" or "finger trouble" failures every day with equipment under our responsibility in terms of maintenance. Infact, I'd have to say that approximately 50% of our reported faults are of this nature. This is good as far as we are concerned for the following reasons:

1. You are always guaranteed to have real faults reported in a timely fashion, thereby averting some truely disasterous incidents - given the nature of the equipments we deal with.
2. It can also bring to the attention of the user that they require an element of revision on that subject, even if it is only for the engineer to point out something simple to him/her.

It doesn't however, stop us from having a laugh at their expense, once it is all done and dusted. And the above list is very indicative of what we are thinking the whole time we are dealing with many of the crews and their "broken" equipment. Some see the funny side, others just feel put down. But probably the most annoying thing about the maintenance side of life is where you have to explain to someone who thinks they know it all, that you happen to know more - because to fix it you have to understand not only how to use it, but how it works when you DO use it.
Their book:
Your Magic Black Box, and 100 Tricks You Can Do.
Our book:
Understanding Your Magic Black Box & How To Build and Test Your Own (and another 1000 tricks besides!)
Another rule that always applies:
Squadron Leader asks how long will it take to get my wagon rolling again Sarge?
Answer: About 4 or 5 hours given the problems I see, and spares requests. In reality the vehicle is probably going to be on the road in about 30 mins to an hour.
Moral of the story, you can never truely estimate the time for a job to be completed - cos you can't predict the future, so what if . . . . .anyway always give an estimate of between 2 and 4 times the maximum required time - that way you are unlikely to get caught short if the spares are held up or whatever else might happen. And secondly, if you do get the wagon rolling early, they just think you're a bit of a genius, and you get some extra browny points, and it helps with fitter section and squadron relations too cos they give your boys that little bit extra slack they need to breath sometimes. :roll: Sounds strange, but it's true.
We also are required to fill-out certain types of reports regarding asessment of how equipment was damaged - such as willful crew negligence or incorrect usage or whatever. And there is a lot of stigma appropriated to this report's findings, which are sometimes by necessity very damning and can cause people to be reduced in rank and sometimes even thrown in jail. Given that very good relationship within the squadron we can now assist the squadron or personnel within in not receiving a red face unduley (there are those who would misuse the information to see someone go down, for the hell of it) and that is our ace in the deck, we can release our findings in such a manner that no-one can be held responsible, and no action can then be taken against them, although it does cost them a crate of beer now and again, LOL!

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: