Hell of a week...

[Xpendable]

Finally getting a chance to explain where I have been all week. A week ago Saturday morning , I got a call from my mom saying my dad was not answering his phone and he was normally back from McDonald's breakfast by then. My mom is bed-ridden and unable to care for herself, but still lives at home with my dad. Normally they have a live-in care taker that helps with mom that is there for 4 days a week. This had been 7 days a week split between 2 care givers. One of them quit and my dad did not replace her despite my siblings and I urging him to do so. In the prior week, the last care giver quit, and although my dad had interviewed 4 replacements and hired one of them, she could not start for another couple of weeks. So my dad was the only care giver for an entire week leading up to last Saturday. And it is a lot of work. My mom is 78 and can not even sit up in bed. She is demanding and has severe ADHD and wants things done in meticulous ways and has to meticulously explain every step she wants you to execute in agonizing detail. It does not matter if you have heard it all 1000 times before and know what needs to be done, exactly the way she wants you to do it - she will force you to listen to it all over again, and you can't interrupt her or she will start over. It is painful. She also has zero tolerance to any discomfort no matter how slight. Which is one of the reasons she is not mobile.

Anyway, back to my dad. So she calls me and is worried that my dad is not answering his cell. I tried calling a few times with no answer so figured I better come over and see if I can find him. I live 40 minutes away. First I stopped at McDonald's he hangs out at to make sure he wasn't there. He was not. Then I talked to the store manager to find out if she had seen him that morning, and she insisted that he had been there. (This proved to be wrong later).

Next I went to my parent's house. I opened the garage door and saw my dad's car in the garage. I instantly started getting a lump in my throat.

Went in, ran downstairs to where his office is but he was not there. Ran upstairs and went into his room. Fortunately he was not dead, but he was face down on the floor, and had apparently fallen 5 1/2 hours before and was unable to get up. He had defacated all over the place. He was conscious but his voice was very labored and he could not move. I of course called 911. My mom is screaming at me from her bed across the hall while I am trying to listen to the parametics. They took him to the hospital and I called my wife to come and take care of my mom while I go to the hospital to find out what is going on with my dad. I also get a call in to my older brother, who is a surgeon.

At the hospital they are assuming he had a stroke as his EKG's were fine. They xrayed his chest to check for collapsed lungs and did a CT Scan of his head. No injuries or signs of anything abnormal. Blood workup showed signs of muscle breakdown which is not unusual when a fall occurs like this and you can't get up. I should add that he was now able to move his muscles again.

In the mean time, me and my brother worked with the hospital social worker and made a plan of action to get my mom transported by private ambulance to a rehab / nursing care unit facility because we did not know how long my dad would be in the hospital and they had no care giver starting until the 24th.

My mom of course did not want to do this and fought us initially but finally caved. My wife helped her pack all kinds of stuff in 80,000 zip lock bags and containers. I do not know how my wife had the patience to do that.

I came home and met the private ambulance crew (2 people) and briefed them on my mom's situation. They decided to call for backup. 45 minutes later a second ambulance with 2 more people show up. (neighbors must have thought there was a mass murder at my parents house with 3 ambulances in 1 day). My mom of course was not ready and made the ambulance crews wait a full 2 hours. I am not exaggerating. They were patient and professional. Finally we got her loaded up and transferred to the rehab facility. I got her 100 medications sorted out with the nursing staff and by then it was already after midnight, and I had been going since finding my dad at 10:20am the previous morning.

Anyway, the hospital staff could not anything wrong with my dad except for extremely exhaustion and dehydration (probably from dealing with my mom). We had been led to believe he would be released to a rehab facility where he would be for a week or too. But on Tuesday morning they released him to home for some inexplicable reason. I had to go pick him up and take him to his home. I shot you not, he didn't even make it to the front door before falling and rolling off the sidewalk into the bushes. And he could not get up without me helping him. I am super mad at the hospital for releasing him. That was sheer negligence on their part. The man can barely walk.

So, realizing there is no way I can leave him home alone, I took him in to my house where he has been for the past 4 days. We had to move one of my daughters to the basement so he would have a bed.

In the meantime he worked on finding a caregiver and we kept finding out that he was working on trying to break my mom out of the rehab facility. It has been a shit show. My brother and I have to make sure she does not come home anytime soon or she is going to kill him. See, even with an in home caregiver, my mom insists on making my dad to much of the work and will not let the caregiver do as much as she should. It has taken a toll on my dad. She really should be in a nursing home long term but my dad won't allow it and she is also mean to every care giver and nurse. It makes it 1000 times worse for my mom.

Anywho, that's why I was not able to fly this week. I hope to fly next week but I will have to play it by ear.

[Bones]

Xpen,

You sir are a great man and a great son. That is a whole lot to deal with and it sounds like you did it with a great amount of patience, strength, and perseverance. You should be proud, as well as your family.

I'm glad that things are relatively calmed down now. Moreso, I am glad your dad is OK---if I understand correctly, your dad didn't have a stroke after all? If so, that is good. I hope whatever is ailing him goes away soon.

I hope your mom will be OK as well and that will balance out and get better too.

No rush in trying to get back to fly, you have alot going on. We'll all be here.

Good luck!

v6,
boNes

[PanzerMeyer]

I echo Bones's sentiments and I'd also like to add Xpen that your wife has a heart of gold for doing what she did to help your mom. I hope your dad recovers soon.

[Cr33p3r]

Thanks for sharing all that and I really feel for you. We went through not quite as extreme but similar type things with my mother in law whose daughter (my wife's sister) was stealing money and prescription meds from and living there for free. Now my Mother in law is in a nursing facility finally and guess how took over all her finances and is the only one who visits her? My wife. Thankfully with children now 18 and up she has some time but $h17 show is the right expression.

We become our parents parents unfortunately and we're never really ready when this transition takes place.

Hang in there. We missed you and hope that things get worked out.

[Trichome]

Kudos to you (your brother) and your wife for helping your parents out. Never an easy situation when the "kids" become the caregivers.

Such a shame that the hospital would release someone when they clearly aren't ready to be released. Makes you wonder who makes that call - there should be consequences for such careless decisions that could have horrible end results.

I hope in the coming weeks things get better for your parents (and everyone in your household).

[Hammer]

Wow Xpen. get some rest, you need a clear head to deal with this. take you time, as Bones said we will be here. and also, your wife is awesome!

[Grifter]

Hi Xpen,

I want to echo all the sentiments expressed by the others here. I'm glad to hear that your parents are okay. It's a real testament to you and your family that you're handling this difficult circumstance with such love and grace. I do hope you're able to get some rest. We'll be here when you have time to fly again.

Stay well,

Grifter.