Neighbors - if you can see the smoke from their chimney...

[Tach Deneva]

...they're too damn close!

Sitting here minding my own business, as usual. Doorbell goes bonkers. I get up and look out the front door. No one is there. Ha ha. Very funny. Someone starts pounding on the kitchen door at the back of the house. I go back there and look out. Two of the neighbor kids. They want to know if I have a ladder, and if so, can they borrow it to put up Christmas lights. I say, yeah, I have one, but it's a really big one and I doubt that you can handle it. He assures me he can. So I unlock the garage and get out the ladder. He and his sister manage to carry it over to their house, where grandma and grandpa are waiting. Grandpa decides its too tall to use for the side of the house, but maybe it will work for the front. I go back inside. Shortly thereafter, the boy drags the ladder into my back yard. "It's too tall!" he says. I nod sagely and put it away.

A little while later, sitting here minding my own business, as usual. Someone starts pounding on the kitchen door at the back of the house. I go back there and it's one of the same neighbor kids. The girl. She says, "Do you have a plunger we can borrow? Our toilet is clogged."

At first all I can think of to say is: "..."

Then I say, "I don't know, let me go look. Be right back." I go to the back bathroom and peek in. There's a toilet brush, but no plunger. I go back to the kitchen door and say, "Didn't see one. Sorry."

"You don't have one?"

"Guess not."

"Okay then, bye."

Well. I wasn't entirely forthcoming. One might even make the case that I flat out lied to the kid. The truth of the matter is, yes, I have a plunger, I keep it in the FRONT bathroom, but there's no way in HELL I'm going to lend it to the <bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep> neighbors.

[Grifter]

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAH! I'm with you. There are some things you don't borrow from your neighbors. Go down to the local pharmacy and pick one up in the home goods aisle.